May 29 2009
A Battle Within
Who am I?
I ask and receive no response.
For I must find myself.
Assimilation is a powerful thing.
In the mirror my reflection is not clear
Other’s shadows stand in the way.
I step out of the way to be seen
You tell me to be unique
So I march to the beat of my own drum
Listen to the rhythm of my feet
As they move along making my own path
Another says wait, we must become one
So I lower my standards to conform and become a unit
Then you tell me I am just like everyone else
Yet with you on my back how can I be myself?
Being pulled one way and being told to branch out
Being pulled another telling me I must follow your footsteps to be successful
No trust in myself; I think I have issues
Being the cause, you cannot be the solution
So I don’t ask and refuse your help when it is offered
Instead with my ignorance I trust someone else that I just met because it “feels right”
For a while things are great
I thought I found myself in you
We become one
I finally am learning to trust myself by trusting you
My judgment must be good
Until you lied to me
Everything went wrong
I think why me?
Looking for an answer I am told its just “human nature”
Still a puzzled look on my face
I do not understand
It’s just human nature to turn your back on someone and lie to them?
My answer is found and my lesson is learned
The best knowledge to receive is the one taught
Not the one just overhead
And you have to trust yourself
Before you trust someone else
My footprints left in the dirt represent my struggle
My lawn was empty, no flowers, no grass
My thoughts watered my lawn with knowledge like a sprinkler
Where the grass has grown green I have overcome
Confused as I was, I began to drown in the swamp titled “how to live my life”
My clouds were grey
Why wouldn’t someone help?
My extended arm went numb as it was not reached out for in return
I drowned in the swamp
As I lost myself
It was truly an internal battle
